Please and Thank You (Though Not Necessarily in That Order)
by Julien Haller
“Is he seriously going to talk about his book again?”
“It’s all he talks about these days.”
“God, this kid is desperate.”
“Yeah, he needs a girlfriend, or maybe one of those real dolls.”
“Should we buy his book just to shut him up?”
“It’s either that or a real doll.”
“Or, I guess one of us could–”
“. . . Right, book it is then.”
-Excerpt from Stories of How Julien Increased His Sales
* * *
Hi everyone! I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who downloaded my work, Stories of Who We Are and How We Eat. I hope everyone enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
I only have one last request of everyone, and then I promise I will go back to writing about social issues. If you enjoyed my work, please write a review on Amazon. I only have one review and have been told by other authors that most potential customers will stray away from a book with only one or so reviews because they think the author, or his friends and family, wrote it themselves. In fact, one individual went so far as to suggest I write ten reviews for myself to prove that I did not write the reviews for myself. Yes, it is a topsy-turvy world we live in. But, before I published this book, I told myself I wanted to see if a self-published author could survive on honesty and the merits of his work. So far, the results are not that good. Honesty has gotten me very little. However, it could also be that my work sucks, but I cannot know that without hearing from all of you. So please please please, write a review if you downloaded my work.
Furthermore, if you enjoyed my work, please tell two friends, and have each of them tell two friends, et cetera, et cetera. My book is normally under three dollars, so even ramen-eating college students can afford it. And, if you did not enjoy my work, act like you did and tell someone you really hate about it. Maybe tell that pretentious kid in your Physics 101 class, the one who cannot work basic algebra but talks about quantum mechanics like he’s an expert.
Basically, I’m relying on word-of-mouth here, so please write reviews and tell friends. Thank you so much!